


Faded

by Hullocsillag



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 01:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10674801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hullocsillag/pseuds/Hullocsillag
Summary: A short hurt/comfort story. Let's get into Charles' head.





	Faded

There are some moments when your face unwittingly comes into my mind. Just a stray thought-whiff wandering playfully across my imagination.. softly, but disturbingly. This time I can barely take a breath, because I think that your hands are on my chest – so as to squeeze my feelings, my soul out of my body. To rip out your memory from my heart, from my being. This is the time, when I despairingly cling on this withering and painful sentience. I am unable to let this feeling roam over my spirit. 

First I thought that I love the pain, but it’s not true. I can tolerate pain very much, but I don’t addected to it. 

Then I thought that pain is the only thing what occurs to me when you come into my mind. But our relationship gave me so much more than just pain. That’s true, that you gave me biffs.. but I needed them.. because I dropped off the ground and realized who I really am. And yes, you gave me rough words what burned my ego. But you gave me love, marvellous feelings, kisses – you made me a real person. In fact you made the real Charles Xavier. The person who I am now. You made me a little bit wiser, a little bit isolated from my stormy feelings. 

I had to think, why I am addected to this pain.. The real reason is.. that only this feeling can bring your soul to mine closer.. Pain, anger and rage were the feelings what I’ve first felt in your mind, in your soul… In the water, when our minds come together, I’ve created an invisible bond between our minds.   
Twenty years passed by, when I realized this fact. It was a blunt and aching recognition. At that time I couldn’t control my ability, and both of us were upset, scared but unexpierenced. At that time I hadn’t met with anybody, who had these dynamic feelings. Our minds were plastic, and somehow I adjoined my mind to yours. 

Pain. 

This is the easiest way to come closer to your mind. To you.. I’m scared of but I can’t wait these panic attacks. This is the only way to think of you without an appear. You can’t perceive me, when I’m thinking of you in this form. That’s why I am drowning into my desperate clambers. I am dying but I am begging for more. At nights, when I awake from my dreams and I couldn’t breath my mind is filled up with you. This time I can think of you without barriers. 

My thoughts merge with my imagination and my desire. This is the only opportunity to touch and enjoy myself without any compunction. Because I know, that you cannot feel me. I love to think of your forceful body, the harsh hands.. But your face and moreover, your thoughts drive me crazy. It seems like you would be here with me.. 

It’s too painful. But it’s too good as well. 

\- I think I love you, old friend – my whisper is careless and disappointed.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I drank to much wine. Oooops.   
> P.S.: I like to hurt the "good characters". Sorry. (Not really)


End file.
